When I was 24 years old I became a mom.  On that special day many years ago, my life changed for ever, for the better. Being a mom made me see the world with new eyes, new ears, and I know I developed a “mommy sense.”  It’s much more powerful than a sixth sense and it’s more than an instinct.  It’s really indescribable – It just happened, this may be “primal” instinct to love, protect, cherish… It overwhelmed me beyond belief.  It transformed me forever.

When I was 35 I had my fourth child. My life at that point felt complete. My family was whole. I didn’t have a desire to have any more children after Joey was born. Somehow I knew I was done and he was “the baby”. A role he didn’t particularly care for, or so he claims.

Before I had my first child, my daughter Timoni, my primary focus was on myself. Too much so I am afraid to admit. I would spend hours pampering myself. I could go out and party whenever I felt like it. I didn’t care much about anything in this world unless it could please me, please my senses.  I didn’t care much about the poor, the hurting or the lost. I didn’t concern myself with anything beyond the tip of my nose. In many ways I was simply a self-centered brat with no direction.

I remember a world when I could sit down and do my nails uninterrupted, but I can honestly say I wasn’t the happiest of people. I carried a lot of baggage – self made, self filled.

Becoming a mom put the world into perspective. It was like a lightening bolt seared my soul and I realized there was some one more important than myself. There was someone I was wholly responsible for and I was enthralled with this tiny creature and determined to make her life a good one.

Through her I became aware of a larger more complicated and hurting world. I found myself not only caring for her but I began to care for other people in the world as well. I remember buying her Christmas presents and then taking the name of a child off a Christmas tree for needy children and buying her gifts as well. Though a small thing, I had never done anything like that before.  I had never even thought to do something like that before. I had never even noticed the tree before. How many years had it been placed there?

Through this little angel that I gave birth too, I began caring about other people in the world around me. It was an amazing feeling.  I did my best raising my children. And I loved being a full time mom. I had no desire to work outside the home – although I did a few times, it was never my focus. My children were my life as was my husband. I have no regrets.

I remember years ago painting my daughters tiny little nails and letting her paint mine. I have that precious memory with each of my children. Yes, even the two boys. For some reason they would stick out a thumb. They didn’t care if their other nails got painted, they just wanted their thumbs painted.

I discovered that when asked, the girls would immediately splay their fingers and the boys would just stick out a thumb. I thought that was so cute and interesting.

Now when I go to paint my own nails I find it dull. I don’t want to go back to my pre-mom
days of pampering myself ridiculous.  Where are the tiny fingers? The thumbs?

Having an empty nest does not mean going back in time and living the way I used to. What it does mean is that there are new memories to be made, new experiences to explore and more nails to be painted.

I think this is one reason why God provided me with a granddaughter and grandson. Those memories and moments of raising my children I can now share and experience with them – fingers splayed and thumbs up.

Life changes, it moves on but I think I’ll put the polish away until the grandangels arrive.

I’m content and blessed. You have a nice day!